My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize