A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
