i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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