If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
