dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
