I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
