I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
