After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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