I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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