did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
