I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
