I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
