i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
