One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
