I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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