You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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