I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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