I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
