Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
