Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
