Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
