He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How's work?
Spinning.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
