Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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