fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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