I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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