so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
