You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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