yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
