i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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