You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
