i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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