So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
