True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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