During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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