I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
