I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
high people should be assigned attendants
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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