I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
