Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize