Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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