I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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