my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
