SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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