I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
