Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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