ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
