wat bout pragnant strippers??
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
