my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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