You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
