It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
