Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
