I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
