If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
