I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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