The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
