We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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