Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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