I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
