Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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