Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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