Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
