so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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