so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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