My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
