He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
