you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize