ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
