I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
