I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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