hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
